am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
