Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
