we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
