apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
