bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
