I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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