"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
