after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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