I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
