i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
