do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
