Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
