Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
