She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
