I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
