Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
