Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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