hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
