btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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