R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
