i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
