did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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