I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
