And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
organizing the empties. That sober.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
