I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
