Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
