I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
