Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
