Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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