my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
