You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
