Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
