dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
