You're my little dorito
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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