so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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