woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
