Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
