I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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