I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
