we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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