Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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