she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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