my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
