What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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