I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
