just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
What a dumb baby whore.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
