I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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