I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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