but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
