dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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