Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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