thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
