Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
